A Bum Rap...

Some women’s bums are standard size,
while others’ are humungous,
and some are daintier than pies
of mushroom-flavored fungus.
Some are shaped like pigskin balls
while others are much rounder,
some are high as prison walls,
and flatter than a flounder.
They sometimes don’t match either tit,
and may be callipygian
although the bosom’s not a hit,
and breast is linked to pigeon.
Some, like men’s moustaches, droop,
while other are far firmer
than Chinese tourists in a group
from whom you’ll hear no murmur
because they are polite. I’m not.
When I catch any glimpse
of bums of someone who is hot,
without a man who crimps
my style by seeming to possess her,
I raise my hand like Moses
against Amalek, be they lesser
or greater than their noses,
for natural these assets are,
and therefore must be treasured
by hands as well as eyes afar
that help them to be measured.

- gershon hepner (12/28/05)